In The Desert 2

As I have pondered what I wrote yesterday about my dad and how we have forgiven one another, I came to what I think is a new realization—he has not forgiven himself.  Why else would he frequently bring up his mistakes and regrets of years past?  How have I missed this?  I see it so quickly in people I minister to in church…but I’ve missed the tell-tale signs in my own family.  I think I’m going to have to talk to him about this soon.

He told me something that really blessed me when we were sitting there talking this weekend—he said “you are my pastor.”  Talk about bringing tears to your eyes!  I told him “you are my prophet!”  I said that because he speaks something into my life that is prophetic nearly every time we talk on the phone.  If I need a word from the Lord, I just call him up.

Here’s the thing….we must forgive ourselves.  It is actually sin to not forgive yourself, when the One who died on the cross for your sins has forgiven you.  When you continue to carry your regrets and your guilt, you are in effect saying to God that the cross was not enough.  Forgiveness must be given to others, to yourself….and to one other person that most people just plain forget about….to God.  More on that in another post, perhaps.    (Romans 8:1-2)

In The Desert

Anita and I traveled this Memorial Day weekend to see my dad and his wife in Wells, Nevada, about a ten hour ride from our home in San Jose.  It’s always good to see my dad, who is 80 years old.  We have a rich and close relationship now, but it was not always so.  You see, when I was 15, my dad walked out of our house for the last time, leaving behind his wife, a daughter, and a very confused boy.  I was not a part of his new life, and felt very alone and very hurt for a long time….for years.

As we sat together this weekend and talked about lots of things, we reflected upon how our poor choices determine the direction of our lives…directions we regret later on.  This has been pretty much a topic that comes up from my dad each time we visit, which is a couple of times year.  I always try to get there right after the last snow of the Spring, and in the Fall before the first snow.  (I’ve tried the winter-time travel before.  Even with a four-wheel drive…it’s not fun.)

I know parents who have no relationship whatsoever with their adult children, and I know adults who can’t even stand to be in the same house with their parents.  There is so much anger and pain in the relationship, that it’s usually avoidance that surfaces as the preferred tactic.  What allows me and my dad to sit with each other for hours and recount the years, often with tears, and talking about our love for one another, despite the times where there was no relationship at all?

It’s really very simple.  Forgiveness.  We have forgiven one another for the pain we inflicted upon one another.  We haven’t forgotten what happened, but when forgiveness is given, the sting is removed by God.  While I used to be in prison, I am now free…and I am reconciled with my dad.  (Matthew 18:21-35)